In the last 2-3 weeks, I've been in what I call the "volunteer burnout" time period. I either got nervous preparing for my volunteer project, or being reluctant to go. I even thought about leaving the project. I was whining to a colleague about the fact that I had volunteer project thus I could not join them on an occasion, and she responded to me, "Why are you complaining about volunteer work? Aren't you supposed to do it willingly?"

This is not just true with one volunteer project, but all of them.
For my work at the Salvation Army.. I am just helping at their typing lab. It is really not much for my preparation to graduate school. And the coordinator seems to have a few other backups besides me. So I thought, maybe it is okay to leave this work, and I do not need to go home late every other Monday nights again.
The respite program.. oh I have been there for 1.5 years now. I don't feel I contribute much, if at all, to the child and family I am serving. He has now started Kindergarten and has grown so much--in speech, motor actions, and in responding to questions. I thought, the parents should be fine without me. After all, I only come for two hours every other week. That is not much help at all, right?
The discovery program I am leading has been very time consuming and nerve-wrecking all this time--that I just want to quit. I thought, I don't need to lead these projects to have the necessary experience for graduate school. I just need to be involved regularly in various types of projects to widen my exposure to various research topics. There goes another selfish thought.

The truth is.. every volunteer work is highly needed, sometimes for the survival of the project. I can argue I am not helping much, but my leaving the program will impact either the quality or the quantity (frequency) of the program, or both. And just at the time I am considering to resign from the Salvation Army project, my volunteer coordinator notified me about their upcoming alumni celebration. We, as regular volunteers at the computer lab, are invited to this very special occasion. I am so thrilled. The chance to meet these people who had many struggles in their past, or even now, but are able to tackle their drug/alcohol issues, to find a job, to secure housing, and so on.. is a privilege. These are miracles that show God is actively working for our good in our lives, if we only let Him to. I realized I have been much blessed by the people at Salvation Army. Many of them have good attitudes, are enthusiastic and hard-working to change their lives around. I have decided I need to stay and let God use me for His purposes at this place.

God has helped me a lot in the Discovery projects, too. I have improved in class management skills and in preparing the projects. It is still not easy to do it. I still spent weeks to decide on a project for a day! But I can remember most students' names now, which help a lot in connecting with them. And the steady attendance of other adult volunteers helped in managing the class. God has told me to not give up after just a few tries. After all, it has only been a few tries, and a first-year teacher always has a tough time. I should face this great challenge with perseverance and hope that God is training me for the next phase.

I feel a lot better now. In fact, I do enjoy learning new art skills and re-learning science knowledge when preparing the Discovery projects. I just need good time management skills and to be decisive. Yea, it's hard :D.

Romans 4:20-21
Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

The most important faith of all, is the one towards Christ Jesus, that He is our Lord and Savior, who died as a ransom for our sins, and rose again to give us eternal life.
I find that believing that statement is easy, but actually living it up in my daily life is hard. What I also find is that since Christ has the power to save us from death, He also has power to change our lives, our situations--and sometimes, other people's lives through us.

Stepping up in faith is not "Being prepared for something completely, then thinking 'This is going to work just fine.'" Instead, it is doing the best we can and leave the rest to God.

For example: last November was the birthday of a good friend of mine at work. I really wanted to give her a birthday present, and I found just the right one for her. It is "The Case for a Creator" by Lee Strobel. I bought the book, then spent several days going back and forth between giving it to her or not. She herself is an atheist, and she evaluates everything by logic. I was afraid she would get offended about her belief, or if she would look down upon me. Yea, there goes my selfish thought -- concerned about myself than about a good friend's eternal salvation.
I prayed for a few days.. and I really wanted to give the book to her, so I said this to God, "Lord, if it is your will, please.. soften her heart when reading this book. Give her the wisdom to see that this world did not happen by chance, but by Your works. And tell her about Jesus."
I was pretty nervous when she opened the gift at the office. Oh man did I wish she opened it at home. But it was truly God's work--she smiled, said thank you, and did not show any disrespect or anything to me, that day and till now. In fact, we are still very much good friends.

I don't know how much she has read the book by now, or how much she believes in one true God, if at all. But I trust the Lord wholeheartedly that He is working in her, growing her knowledge about God, and bringing more witnesses in her lives.