Last Friday, after work, some of the trainers and I decided it was a good time to go to the pub. There is one near the office, called Sathya, which is actually a family restaurant and bar. That is what the board in front of the place says. We were about to leave when I thought, "More students should come, especially the ones who do not usually hang out." So I went into our bus and started giving the talk.

When one hears the word pub, he/she has either positive or a negative impression. Pub literally means "a tavern or bar" in the dictionary. People who like to hang out in the bar, which is usually associated with drinking, will be excited with the idea of to the pub. People who do not drink usually get discouraged. This is true with most of the Chinese students because they do not drink and they usually do not hang out in bars. This time I felt the urge to intervene and clarify.

I went into the bus and announced, "Let's go to the pub!" I looked around with a smile and waited a couple seconds, then I added "It's a family restaurant! A friendly restaurant with pub food. You can get lime juice, soda, or water, don't have to be drink." I looked around again to see some people smiling hearing it. They must be thinking "Oh yea? A family restaurant?" Now their paradigm has shifted from the pub to the family restaurant. That is quite positive.

They were not sure immediately. Of course I had to say that several times, with different gestures and gentle coax. One asked, "Till how late are you planning to stay there?" Another said, "I don't want to go home too late at night." Oh, some are concerned with the time. "I usually do that", I thought. "Well, others may stay until late, but I don't plan to. Probably stay for 1.5 hours." More faces showed agreement.

One by one they started to make a move. First, they lifted their bags, but still waiting for the other Chinese students to make a move. Then they looked at one another. Finally, when I left the bus, they stood up and followed. I said to the other guys waiting outside "I have followers." They could only wonder, "How did you do it?" I guess I can be influential.

We were a group of Chinese, British, German/Australian, and Indians. The next few hours were awesome.
One student asked, "Is it common when the girl forces the boy to propose to her?" We then had a good talk about girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancee, and marriage.
Another question arose, "I felt we have a lot of social activities during the week, and sometimes the weekends. Do I have to go to each one? I feel I have to go home and do homework, at least during the weekdays." So we talked about work-life balance, and that they should not do something while feeling forced and uncomfortable. They could pick what they want to focus on, whether studying or socializing is more important for them,

It is a family restaurant, yes, and I completely did not expect to see any animals around the restaurant area, not to mention inside the restaurant. We sighted a mouse roaming around under the table opposite to us. Not long after the mouse roamed around the little garden behind me. I freaked out. Aaahhh! mouse, you are dirty, go away!

We had good food, good talk, and good relationship building. I am glad to make the step to approach the students. I am glad they decided to come. Hope they had a good time, too, just as I did.

Did you call me, Lord?

It only takes one person, literally, one person, to fire the light in my heart.

Is this a calling from God? Is He reminding me of my passion and my purpose? Did you call me, Lord?

I have decided to postpone my grad school application for another year. After being home last week, I felt a heavy of being away from home for so long.. and almost decided that I would just let go of grad school and go home for good next year.
Just 2 days after that, I met Jonathan.. and he is all like me, in terms of grad school, but with more persistence. Ah, just what I need, right?

He thought about grad school since over a year ago. Decided to give another year to gain more experience and to better prepare for the application. But he was stuck with busyness from this consulting job and did not really study much. He really wants to do international development work but actually does not have substantial experience, only some international work here and there. He cannot wait another year to apply to school. It is now 1.5 months to application deadlines, and he is still writing his first school application.
Oh my. Can't wait how similar his situation is with me. He talked me about applying to school and I really buy it. He is only ahead of me in terms of GMAT/GRE. I still have to take it. But, I should be able to apply to some schools. Maybe I should not have lofty goals of applying to 10 schools, but only 5; not all the top schools, but good enough; not with 100% prepared in GRE, but well enough to get good scores. Ah, who knows!

This is going to give me a lot more work than now. I know. But I am so fired up tonight that I cannot deny the fact that there is more to this than my interest. Maybe this will be a dream come true. Maybe God is calling me to do His work. I can never be 100% sure this is what I want to do, but it has been almost 2 years now since I got excited about this - going back to school and potentially work with school kids, parents, and/or the communities. 2 years of having this little light in my heart cannot be understated. Let's nurture it and grow the fire.

My family

This time, I am counting down 2.5 more months, day by day. Please go fast!

For the whole album, it's here.

I just arrived in Bangalore and am in the taxi while typing this. Can't believe time keeps moving on despite the pain I feel. I know for sure that I will soon forget that I miss home. I will soon get used to living independently, hanging out with my colleagues here, and walking around this not-quite-like-home territory. Yes, I can survive. But really, is this the life I want? to keep being on the road and away from the family?

Anyway, as an antidote, I already contacted Errol to see if he wants to go to church this evening. I miss the Lord a lot as I have much neglected Him while on vacation. I always do that :(. He only knows my loneliness. He only can heal.

Is it time?

It feels very hard leaving Surabaya this time. Actually, I was in Singapore at the moment of writing this, but the hardest part is from leaving home. This happened once before.. a few years back. It is kind of like the "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" song.

My parents definitely came to mind. Ok, maybe in the beginning.

I remember one night taking my mom to bed. As she lied down, I saw her getting-older face and I started to cry a little bit. Didn't let it happen cause she shouldn't see me that sad. Her face said so much about her and her life. On one side she is a hardworking, perseverant wife, and a patient, gentle, and super-wise mom. Of course sometimes she gave too much advice, but that is much better than too little. On the other side, she is aging, losing some parts of her health, often gets tired though she fights all that bravely. I feel I am losing her day by day as I am away from home.

My dad is in a similar position. He used to be tall and big and strong, and often bad-tempered :p. He still has a little bad temper nowadays, but he has also shrunk due to chronic health concerns. Every time I get home (for vacation), he always asks me to consider staying home for good. Never demands, just requests to consider. He would say, "Don't work too hard. Stay home here in Surabaya. It is ok, you don't have to get much money." When we chat with other people, he sometimes hints that we are unwilling to be back to home. Yes, I am guilty of letting him feel that way.

I have put myself away from them during their important years.. when they grow old and start to resign from work, causing them much concerns and unnecessary stress from thinking about my life, my family, and my health.

It feels heavy to leave home for that reason. But this time there is also something else. Can there be another reason that make me want to stay? Can someone give me another reason to? I actually wonder how the desire to go back to school makes me stay in the US this long. I have reached my 5 working years there and this used to be my limit -- after which I said I would go home. What's holding me there? What can call me back home?

Being home in Indonesia always give me some kind of complex. By complex, I mean having this uncomfortable feeling of uncertainties. I cannot make a stand on many intriguing happenings. The intricacies of an event or a person's situation can make me feel wary yet empathetic at the same time.

I happened to ask my dad today about his ex-warehouse manager. My dad recalled that he was a faithful warehouse manager for over 10 years, until he got into an accident where he could not come to work for days and days.. thus leading to my dad going into the warehouse and finding out that he, and all the warehouse workers, had smuggled goods out of the warehouse for probably quite a while. This was no small numbers, but goods that cost tens of millions of Rupiahs. Of course his life was no simple life at all, and he probably did not get into the decision to smuggle easily. I even took Mandarin lessons from his wife for several months. I know more about their lives but won't tell more in this outlet. I just can not understand what happened.

My mom has 12 siblings, and each has his/her own unique story. My grandfather raised the kids as a single parent. Oh yeah, he was amazing. He was thin when I started knowing him, but he was strong and courageous. He was the sin-she (a.k.a guru) in the neighborhood. He knew how to heal sprained joints, wounds, bruises.. all with the traditional Chinese herbal medication. He was a good man. The children are now all with families. Some lead a successful life. Some.. work very hard but struggle to stand up after every failure. As often happens in families, there are sibling rivalries. Less of the kind to fight over family inheritance, but more towards defending their own immediate families. People often forget their moral virtues and take their families for granted. "I have this need. As my relative, you should help me, without feeling burdened (or remembering it)."

My dad has 3 siblings, one of whom is a grandfather now. Even this smaller family has issues of different sorts.

I really feel empathetic to my uncles, aunties, and cousins who are more financially challenged. They are emotionally more restless and physically less healthy. I wonder what they say in their prayers to the Lord. And I am super-awed by my relatives who show much determination, enthusiasm, and perseverance to follow their passions and/or to lead a better life. My cousins Aibing and Wejen are both examples.
I do believe that underprivileged children, given good guidance and opportunities, will rise up to be better people than those who are overprivileged. By better people, I meant one who acts with virtues and are persevere (regardless of the outcome). I have to invent the word overprivileged because I consider even myself one--having many tertiary things in life.

Honestly, I often ask myself, what would I be like had I grown up with financial challenges, broken home, or other life issues in the family? I wonder..
if I would have been closer--or farther--from God my savior,
if I would have been more--or less--respectful of those in better positions than I was,
if I would have worked harder to start and run my own business,
if I would have been more appreciative of a good education and wanted to help others obtain one,
if I would have had the same friends I do now.
I wonder.