Home Sweet Home

Think of this -- Is there a place called Home? one that you can really really call a home for you?

Everyday I walk to school, to classes.. meeting friends, and professors.. and everyday I walk back.. to this place I always refer to as home. I walk home.. expecting to feel.. relieved from the burden of my study, or of my thoughts..
Often times though, right when I step in it, I feel lost, deserted.. not even sure of who I am myself. It rejects me. It hits me with disappointments. It takes my hope away..
Yesterday was another day.. when I just wanted to run away. Run away as hard as I can, as fast as I can, only to know that.. there might not be any other place.
"Where am I going to go?"
"Do I know?"
"No."
"Do I care?"
"Does anyone care?"

. . . . . silence . . . . .

I walked down this long walkway.. from home to grissom, wetherill, stanley coulter, .. all these fancy-named buildings.. and all I got was silence. The sky was dark.. and gloomy.. unwilling to give me any answer. Though God knows.. I am missing.

As far as I would go, I finally reached my second home, the CS building. Yah.. the CS building. It is about the only place where.. I can open my book, read my assignment, and say, "I'm doing it now, and I'm finishing it soon." But there is something about it I just realized that.. make me stay.. and settle. It is where..
I can be on my own
I can close my eyes, and be numb for a while..
I can contemplate on my thoughts, my life, your life
I can cry or smile..
and I can whisper, "Jesus.." and be covered by His heavenly peace..

Yesterday was just not for me. I wasted an hour.. to sleep.. anxiously. In the lab, yes. In front of those mocking screens and.. gadgets. I cried out helplessly.. "Oh please.. let me go.."
And suddenly, 'I've got mail', a surprising email indeed..

I stood up, rushed to pack up my stuffs.. I felt hurried, confused, guilty.. trying to get to my car sooner than possible. I forgot.. I needed to volunteer that nite.
"Oh God forgive me. I am too busy thinking of myself.. I forget to serve You." And I say it over, and over, and over.

I arrived late indeed, but things are never too late for God. The place, the people, the jobs.. everything.. turned me around completely. I did not remember my pain anymore. I did not even feel it. Right when I needed a home, He provided one, even more than what I asked. I did not only sleep at home, I was - and am still - with Him, I was refreshed and full of joy. What a blessed nite.. another blessed nite..

I know now..
that God's love is everlasting.. and overflowing
that I keep forgetting Him, turning around from Him, disappointing Him..
but God never forgets me, never turns His back to me, never disappoints me..
He is always here, looking at me, loving me, talking to me..
when I am strong, when I stumble..
His mercy and love is more than enough to draw me close to Him.. everytime.. everytime..

What was I thinking? These people.. homeless, maybe jobless, family-less, money-less.. are all taken care by God. He provides a home, for them. It's not the shelter, it's Him. How wonderful Thou art.. How wonderful living in Your grace, O Lord..


Psalm 23 : 1-6
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
. . .
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.