Is it time?

It feels very hard leaving Surabaya this time. Actually, I was in Singapore at the moment of writing this, but the hardest part is from leaving home. This happened once before.. a few years back. It is kind of like the "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" song.

My parents definitely came to mind. Ok, maybe in the beginning.

I remember one night taking my mom to bed. As she lied down, I saw her getting-older face and I started to cry a little bit. Didn't let it happen cause she shouldn't see me that sad. Her face said so much about her and her life. On one side she is a hardworking, perseverant wife, and a patient, gentle, and super-wise mom. Of course sometimes she gave too much advice, but that is much better than too little. On the other side, she is aging, losing some parts of her health, often gets tired though she fights all that bravely. I feel I am losing her day by day as I am away from home.

My dad is in a similar position. He used to be tall and big and strong, and often bad-tempered :p. He still has a little bad temper nowadays, but he has also shrunk due to chronic health concerns. Every time I get home (for vacation), he always asks me to consider staying home for good. Never demands, just requests to consider. He would say, "Don't work too hard. Stay home here in Surabaya. It is ok, you don't have to get much money." When we chat with other people, he sometimes hints that we are unwilling to be back to home. Yes, I am guilty of letting him feel that way.

I have put myself away from them during their important years.. when they grow old and start to resign from work, causing them much concerns and unnecessary stress from thinking about my life, my family, and my health.

It feels heavy to leave home for that reason. But this time there is also something else. Can there be another reason that make me want to stay? Can someone give me another reason to? I actually wonder how the desire to go back to school makes me stay in the US this long. I have reached my 5 working years there and this used to be my limit -- after which I said I would go home. What's holding me there? What can call me back home?